


give me shelter or show me heart

by hondayota



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/F, Zombie AU, allison shops for makeup even though its the literal zombie apocalypse, and stargazing and handholding, renee has many gay thoughts, theres kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:06:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondayota/pseuds/hondayota
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renee had always thought of hope as a feeling, something she scraped out of her insides when she had nothing else to hold onto, but over the past months, hope had ceased to be a feeling and had become synonymous with Allison Reynolds. </p><p>or</p><p>the renison zombie au no one asked for</p><p>or </p><p>renee and allison are hella gay even when there's zombies</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. darling you're with me

"I still don't understand why she's buying makeup during the apocalypse." 

Matt offered Dan a shrug. "I mean, it's Allison. What surprises me is that she's paying for it. Why leave money if no one's been here in months?" Matt shot a pointed glance around the empty Sephora: the flickering lights, the knocked over display shelves, and the untouched makeup containers littering the floor. Allison stood in the middle of it all, sweeping products off the shelves into the basket dangling from her wrist as though this was any other shopping trip. A wad of cash poked out of the back pocket of her skinny jeans. 

"Renee," Dan answered simply, and Renee shot her a bemused glance before turning back to Allison. It was true that Renee thought they should still pay for things; even with the world overrun by zombies, there was someone who needed the money more than them. And she had mentioned it to Allison once, in passing, but she hadn't expected Allison to listen. Allison Reynolds did what she wanted, and she didn't care what anyone else thought. Except, apparently, Renee. Renee gave a small smile and tucked that information away. 

She watched Allison browse. The other girl still wore her signature six-inch heels, and though Matt had called them impractical, they had proved useful weapons more than once. Allison's shoes lengthened her skyscraper legs even more, creating an almost nine-inch height difference between her and Renee. Renee had wondered more than once what it would be like to press her lips to Allison’s and close that gap, but every time she built up the courage thoughts of monsters swam at the edge of her mind. How could she start something for her own benefit when she had a camp of refugees relying on her? Wasn't that selfish? Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Renee refocused on what came next.  
Over a year ago, Renee had told Andrew that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, she'd focus on survivors, and she had stuck to her word. Alongside Dan, Matt, and Allison, she had carefully traversed the country in Matt’s truck, stealing what gas they could and seeking out populous areas. They had collected strays; people clothed in dust and desperation, with broken hearts and broken homes, and set up a camp somewhere in the west. Renee was unsure of the exact location; an old factory town that had been left to the ghosts far before the zombies had come. Composed of rusting metal buildings and flat land, it was perfect for both protection and farming (which had proved easier to figure out than they had thought). It was a halfway house of sorts: they taught their refugees how to defend themselves, offering a secure location and food (when they had any to spare) to anyone willing to lend a hand, then sent them on their way when they could hold their own in the world. Some people stayed for months, others barely hours. Dan had once said it made her feel like Wymack and his foxes: seeing worth in someone others had abandoned and refusing to give up on it. Renee had to agree.

Andrew had stuck to his word, too, taking off with his lot and Bee when the first zombies were spotted at Palmetto State. Renee had no idea how they were doing now, but she knew Andrew could hold his own. 

She, Dan, Matt, and Allison had left the camp in the hands of their most capable recruit and set off to find the nearest grocery store. They had cultivated a farm near the camp, but extra food was always needed and hard to find. They had driven out farther than ever today, to a town they hoped would be mostly abandoned. It was. Dan had pointed out a few hollow faces peering at them from hollower buildings, but no one had approached them. Renee supposed letting Allison stop at Sephora was a waste of time, but she couldn't deny Allison something that made her happy when the world found itself so desolate. Allison's shopping basket soon overflowed, and Renee picked up another and headed over to help her. 

Renee exchanged her empty basket for Allison's full one, noticing the strange assortment of cosmetics Allison's held. Renee didn't know much about makeup, but she knew Allison's face well enough to realize half of these weren't Allison's color, and Allison wasn't the type to buy anything that would make her look less than perfect. 

Renee plucked one of the dark foundations from the basket and held it out to Allison. 

"What's this for? This isn't your color. I mean, you'd look good in anything, but" Renee cut herself off. "What's this for?" She asked again. 

Allison smirked, a slight blush painting her cheeks. "You'll see. And oh, here. I found this." She tossed a small box at Renee, trusting Renee's goalie instincts. Renee caught it and stated in awe at the hair dye in her hands. She clutched it with her left and raised her right to finger her bleached ends, her brown roots, long since leeched of their color. She smiled, wider and truer than she had in months. 

"Thank you."

 

They left the Sephora ten minutes later, weighed down with all the makeup Allison had deemed still usable and headed to the grocery store two blocks down. Hasty graffiti marred storefront windows; God Save Us scrawled in red spray paint over the window hundreds of times. Renee brought a hand to the cross necklace still hanging at her throat, gold chipped and dusty but a familiar comfort. A man limped out of a house on the other side of the street, surveying them from sunken eyes and sallow features. His clothes were ragged, torn like the curtains of the house. He spat at them and offered a growled “leave,” but came no closer. Renee thought survivors like him, broken and haunted, were harder to look at than zombies. 

Dim evening light reflected off shards of the broken glass Stop n Shop doors, scattering into Renee's eyes. Allison climbed through much more gracefully than anyone carrying eight Sephora bags and wearing stilettos should have been able to and offered Renee a hand. Renee took it, relishing the feeling of Allison's warm skin against hers. Renee told herself it was because she hadn't touched anyone without the pretense of comforting or fighting, but that didn't feel quite true. 

As she released Allison's hand, Matt said, "Something isn't right."

Renee looked around, stomach sinking with every glance. Matt was right. Aside from the broken doors -- clearly a sign of previous forced entry -- the store was eerily still. Towering shelves cast shadows across each other, ransacked but still fuller than any others they had come across. A half full shopping cart lingered near the checkout, wheels turned sharply, mid-escape. Allison dropped her bags on the floor, freeing her hands. Dan took a cautious step forward. 

"Dan!" Matt hissed. Renee didn't question his low tone despite the fact that they seemed to be the only ones in the store. She felt the need to whisper, too. 

"I'm going to scope it out," Dan said quietly, before she was thrown to the side. 

The zombie came out of nowhere at full speed. It's flesh hung in gaunt patches, sickly green and grey, nothing like the bright oranges and whites of the foxhole court. Four more followed not far behind it. Matt took a step forward, flicking a knife out of his sleeve before leaping into the fight. Renee bared her own weapons, but took a step back, scoping out weaknesses, waiting for the right moment to attack

"You fucker!" Allison shouted. Renee twisted around, taking in the three zombies surrounding Allison and the bloody scratch on Allison’s cheek. Matt and Dan fought off two next to her, and they all looked desperate. 

"Allison!" Renee yelled back, motioning to her feet. Allison punched one of the zombies in the face and broke another's dead fingers off her arm. In one quick motion, she shook off her shoes and threw them to Renee. Renee threw her a knife. Renee clutched a stiletto in each hand and leapt, landing on the back of one of the zombies. It scratched at her, leaving trails of blood down her arms. She drove the shoe through it's soft skull, spraying blood where Allison had stood just moments before. The zombie fell, and Renee jumped off it. Allison cut another down at the knees before plunging Renee's knife into its heart. The third turned to retreat, and Renee flung Allison's other shoe after it, hitting her mark. Victorious yells to her right told Renee that Dan and Matt had won their fight too. She murmured a quiet prayer over their bodies, unable to forget that these monsters had once been human. 

Allison came up next to her, touching delicate fingers to the place the zombie had dug in it’s nails. “You’re bleeding.” 

“It’s not mine, mostly. I’ll be fine. Besides, so are you.”

Allison shook her head firmly, tousled ponytail bouncing. Renee wanted to tangle run her fingers through that hair. “Let me at least clean it. I have water.”Allison lifted a half-full water bottle to illustrate her point. 

“We should really get back to camp.”

“The wound might be worse than you think, Renee. What if something happens to you because of this? I don’t think I could...just let me fix it.”

“Okay.” 

Allison bandaged Renee’s wound with strips torn from her shirt, and Renee wiped the blood from Allison’s cheek. When Renee’s wound was clean and Dan and Matt had finished scrounging for any food not picked over, Allison pulled her shoe out of the zombie's head. "Damn, I really liked those." 

Dan let out a laugh, out of place in the empty building. "If we live to find a shoe store, I'll buy you a new pair."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> the title (and all chapter titles) are from the song only love by ben howard
> 
> hmu on tumblr @ pygmytyrants 


	2. always around me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is super duper short but i hope u like it anyways

The four arrived back at their camp worse for the wear, but almost happy. They were alive, and that was enough for now. They had also managed to find boxes full of food in the store after killing the zombies, and food lifted everyone's spirits. Dan and Matt broke off to hear the report from the woman they had left in charge, and Renee began to distribute food to the refugees currently staying with them, about fifteen people. To her surprise, Allison grabbed her bags of makeup and followed. 

Allison crouched down in front of a young woman Renee judged to be in her mid-teens and pulled out a few foundations and a makeup brush, trying to determine which matched her skin best as Allison had done for Neil almost a year ago. Renee handed a man three packages of granola bars.

"Pass these out, okay? Everyone can have two. I know we've been hungry lately, but we had a good haul today. You all deserve it." 

"T-thank you." The man's hands shook, and Renee offered him a smile. 

She dropped the rest of the food with Dan for inventory before seeking out Allison. Allison wasn't where she had been sitting before, but the young woman wore a full face of makeup and an ear-to ear grin. When she saw Renee staring at her, she pointed over her shoulder to where Allison now sat. Allison had a crowd of people, men and women, surrounding her, and all the makeup she had scrounged spread out on the ground in a semi-circle. Renee watched as she lined a girl's eyes and applied blush to a little boy's cheeks, and didn't miss the way the people smiled as Allison finished with them. She didn't miss the way her heart twisted watching Allison, either. 

Allison glanced up, face twisted in concentration, and beckoned Renee forward.

"I need you to be on foundation duty." 

"Allison, I love what you're doing, but you know I can't..."

"Bullshit. Everyone can apply foundation. I'm not asking you to contour them, just match colors to skin tones and brush a little on. I'm doing all the hard stuff." To prove her point, Allison drew an excessively complicated pattern with eyeshadow on an old woman and proceeded to blend it to perfection. "Come on, Renee, this is just your kind of thing. Look how happy they are." 

Renee picked up a foundation compact and searched for someone with the same skin color.

After every face around Renee sported some sort of beauty product, Allison shifted so she was directly in front of Renee. 

"Can I do you now?" 

"I've never had my makeup done before." 

"First time for everything, right?" 

Allison's breath was hot on Renee's mouth and Renee found herself nodding. "Okay, go for it."

Allison let out a noise of delight and pulled a small bag out from behind her back. "Good, because I bought stuff just for you." 

Renee remembered the box of hair dye in her pocket and grinned. "I should have known." 

"You should have. Now stop moving." Allison brushed powder across Renee's face, mascara on her lashes, and color on her lips. She added other products, too, things Renee didn't know the names of. When she had finished, she said. "You look good. Really good."

Renee blushed and hoped Allison couldn't tell under the makeup. "How did you think of this? It's amazing." She asked in lieu of a reply. 

Allison met Renee's eyes. "It's nice to have something familiar around, you know? Something you can rely on when nothing else seems safe." Allison's stare was heavy, her face still close to Renee's. Renee got the feeling she wasn't talking about the makeup. 

"I know what you mean," Renee replied.

Allison pressed her lips together and broke her stare, looking to the sky instead. It had grown dark while they did the refugee's makeup, and stars winked in a sea of black. Allison lowered herself to the ground so she lay on her back and stretched out her legs, staring up at the night. Moonlight made her skin shine, bringing out freckles Renee had noticed before but now couldn’t stop looking at. Renee had dreamt of pressing her lips to each of them, but waking to the harsh reality of their situation had held her back. 

"I know it's probably not safe," Allison said quietly, “but could we stay out here for a while?" 

Renee lay down next to her in the grass, eyes not on the sky but on Allison's face. "Yes," she whispered. Meaning yes to this and yes to everything Allison had left unasked. She rolled onto her back and spread her arms wide. 

Allison extended her hand, fumbling until she found Renee's fingers. Her pinkie curled over Renee’s and Renee tangled them together. Slowly, Allison intertwined the rest of their fingers, then squeezed Renee's hand and didn't let go. Renee grasped Allison's hand back like a lifeline. She could feel Allison's heart beating where their wrists pressed together and knew Allison could feel hers. 

"So I'll know if a zombie is taking you," explained Allison, eyes still on the sky. 

"Yeah," said Renee, "good idea."


	3. watch me fall apart

Renee woke up disoriented, with a fly on her nose. She shook her head quickly to shoo it, then sat up. Swiping a hand across her eyes, she came away with black smudges on her fingers. Renee took in the browning grass around her, and the hand in hers, before remembering what had happened the night before. She reached over and poked a hand on Allison's shoulder, prodding the other girl awake. 

"We fell asleep," Renee told her. 

"Fuck," Allison said drowsily, "did the zombies get us?" 

"No, but I think I ruined my makeup." Neither of them mentioned their linked hands, but neither untangled their fingers, either. 

Allison yawned. "I can fix it, don't worry. Wait, shit, isn't training today? I can fix it after." 

Allison's words banished the last of Renee's exhaustion from her body. "Training! I forgot! It's my day to instruct." 

"Well, go lead it." Allison pulled her hand out of Renee's and stood up. Renee followed her lead and took off running to old warehouse they used as a sparring ring. There was so much she wanted to say to Allison, but at the same time, she didn't have the right words. Training was a safer bet. 

 

Renee doubled over as her partner landed a hit on her stomach. The teenager had improved greatly since their first session last week, and Renee wheezed "nice job," offering an encouraging smile that came out as more of a grimace. 

Training the few surivors who came their way was a big part of what the “camp” did. Renee understood the importance of being able to take care of yourself. Sometimes that was all you had. She, Matt, Dan, and Allison took turns leading training sessions every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Today, Renee taught a disabling move to stop a zombie in its tracks and hopefully make enough time to run away or kill it. She had demonstrated the procedure, then paired everyone up to practice. Since they currently hosted fifteen refugees, she had partnered with one herself. She should be able to dodge such a hit after her sessions with Andrew, but her thoughts had been elsewhere. She couldn't help but wonder what Allison was thinking right now, and whether it was about her. 

Renee excused herself, leaving her partner to practice on a salvaged dummy, and took a walk around the room, surveying everyone's progress. She corrected a few peoples positioning, adjusted fists and feet, noticing that more than a few people still sported evidence of Allison's makeovers. Finally, satisfied with their progress, Renee stopped at the center of the room. 

"Okay," she said, "You guys are doing great! I'm going to show you another move, and then we can practice both. Sound good?" Before the crowd could respond, Allison burst through the warehouse's decaying doors. 

"Renee, I need you.” 

“What's wrong?”

“Can you do stitches?” 

Hesitantly, Renee nodded, remembering countless nights spent cleaning herself up after other people's messes, blood and bruises and broken skin. She had learned that even if she hadn't caused the problem, she could still fix it, for her benefit or for others. If she ever had the barest sliver of regret for learning to use knives, the thought of how many girls she had saved by killing her abuser, including herself, the girl she was now, pushed it out of her body. “Rudimentary stitches, yes. Not well enough to hold for long, but if we have needles and thread, yes. I can.”

“Come with me. The rest of you, out! Get somewhere safe, away from the med building. Training is over." 

"Who needs stitches? What happened?" Renee inquired when the building was cleared out, searching Allison’s clouded face for answers. 

"You'll see.” 

 

Renee followed Allison to the building that served as the med clinic. It had clearly once been a small office, probably for the manager of whatever the old warehouse had manufactured. Grey filing cabinets lined the walls, the files removed and drawers filled with canned food stores. The four of them had torn shirts into bandages and pilfered liquor for cleaning wounds, laid the contents of a travel sewing kit carefully in a drawer just in case.

From the moment Allison pushed open the door, Renee knew something wasn't right. Whoever acted as nurse generally tried to keep the clinic quiet, a small space of peace in the chaos of the world. Today, sound spilled down the short hallway toward them, a horrible crashing and yelling. It sounded like pain, and it brought Renee back to times she would rather leave behind her. She took a deep breath, counted to ten, and remembered who she was now, who stood at her side. 

“Ready?” Asked Allison. “You can probably tell, but it's not pretty in there.” 

“We can make it pretty.”

“Nice to know you're still the optimist, but I really don't know if we can.”

In the main room, the noise was nearly unbearable. Filing cabinets rattled against the walls, the cot legs groaned under the pressure of a body, and the old office fluorescents cast the scene into a flickering, ghastly reality. 

A boy lay on one of the cots, convulsing. He twisted and thrashed, hands curved into painful claws, pale skin shot through with bright veins. Dan and Matt attempted to hold him down, protective covering over their arms and hands, but the boy kept moving. Renee watched for a moment as he struggled, baring his teeth at Dan before whipping his head around to Matt dangerously fast. The motion revealed ugly scratches and a bite mark on the boy's neck. Matt pushed him back, popping his fist into the boy’s head hard enough to knock him out but not seriously injure him. 

“Now that he's out, what should we do with him?” Dan said. 

It struck Renee as an odd question: hadn’t they sent for her so she could stitch up the boy’s wounds? He obviously needed help, and they had dedicated this entire camp to helping those they could. “Clean his wounds carefully and I will do my best.” 

“You can't possibly mean save him.” 

Renee turned her gaze from the boy to Allison. “Why not?” 

“Didn't you see him? He's turning into a zombie in the heart of our camp. When they found him, he was stumbling around the boundaries, clawing at his neck and shrieking nonsense.” Behind Allison, Dan nodded in a slow way that said she didn't like this information, but had to agree. Matt moved as if to pick the boy up.

“He needs our help, Allison.” 

“He's a lost cause.” 

“How many people said that about all of us,” Renee waved a hand to indicate Dan and Matt as well as the two of them, “before Coach decided to take a chance?” That sobered Dan. She inclined her head to Renee, asking her to continue. “Those zombies in the store, we had to kill. I understand necessity. But this boy has something human left in him, and I want to see it salvaged.” Renee watched Dan process her words, see the humanity in this boy that Wymack had seen in them. 

“Okay, try,” Dan said finally. 

“Fine,” sneered Allison, “but I'm not staying here and watching you get yourself killed.” Her voice caught on the last word, but before Renee could say anything, Allison had turned on her heel and left. 

 

After tending to the boy’s injuries, Renee found Allison back in the training room, beating the life out of a practice dummy. Allison had changed into leggings and a sports bra but still wore her signature heels, and as Renee watched she landed a kick that embedded one in the dummy’s heart. Allison's breath came in quick bursts, her ponytail swung intimidatingly behind her, and Renee wanted nothing more than to grab Allison's hand and go back to last night. Instead, she said: “He's still unconscious. Matt hit him pretty hard, I guess. Dan and Matt are watching him.” 

“When he wakes up, we should kick him out.” 

"We all agreed not to turn anyone away." It had been one of the first conditions of their camp: anyone who needed help received it. 

"We hadn't found anyone who could kill us. Or turn us, whatever. Being turned is probably worse, becoming a memory of your former self. Shadows aren’t people.

“I already lost Seth, you know? I don't want to lose you, too. "

Renee felt herself take a step toward Allison without meaning to. She looked at the fire flickering in Allison’s eyes and understood something that had evaded her for months. “Allison, I…”

Allison cut her off. "Anyway, I'm not here to talk. I want to fight. I'm pissed about this person who's gonna kill us all, so let's go." Allison tossed a pair of gloves to Renee and pulled some on herself. "What were you teaching them before you had to fix up our murderer?" 

"Here," Renee said. She aimed a fist at Allison's stomach but stopped inches away, then demonstrated a sweep with her leg. "Like that, both in a row to slow down the zombies, then you can make the death strike." Renee took a deep breath and pulled on layers of padding so Allison could actually hit her.

"Alright." Allison executed the maneuver, slamming her fist into Renee's stomach and her legs into Renee's. Even through the padding, Renee could feel Allison's anger. Allison finished the leg sweep by grabbing Renee's arm and pushing her into the mat on her back, straddling her. Renee's heart threatened to beat out of her chest. She freed her wrists from Allison's grasp and sat up, Allison's legs still around her. This close, Allison’s goddess features were even more stunning. This close, Renee could feel the way Allison’s breathing caught in her chest and the way her eyes glistened. 

"We’re not going to die, Allison." Renee said softly, leaning in so their foreheads touched. 

Allison exhaled onto Renee's cheeks. "We could. Have you seen the world? There are fucking zombies outside. We're living like Neil, from moment to moment. None of us really believe we'll make it through the year."

"I do."

Allison scoffed. "You, the eternal optimist. That makes me feel better." But her breathing became little steadier. “I'm sorry about the boy.” 

“I know.” 

“Last night I thought I understood what you always talk about,” Allison said abruptly. “About hope. Last night, with you, was the most peaceful I've felt in months. Calm. With the stars all around us, I finally felt like maybe I could -- we could -- live. And it was stupid and reckless to let myself think that, because today came and there is a person in the middle of our camp who could turn into a zombie as we speak, and this is going to end just like Seth did." 

“I'm not Seth.”

“I know. You have worse odds.” Allison laughed, but there was nothing funny in it.

"There are people smiling because you put makeup on them yesterday," Renee countered. "Hope exists." 

"How can you be so sure we'll survive?"

 

"The truth is, I’m not. We could die, we always could, but we haven't yet. That should count for something. I am an eternal optimist now,” Renee said, bringing back Allison's earlier words. “But I was not always." Renee had told Allison the truth about her past years ago, and knew Allison understood how much one could change. "I have faced things I thought I would never overcome, and I overcame them. I came out the other side bloody but alive, and I will do it again. So will you. And even if we don't, we will have at least tried. " Renee tucked a piece of hair behind Allison's ear, and Allison grabbed her hand. Beads of sweat ran down Allison's face from her practice session.   
Allison’s hand on hers made Renee think of endless skies, endless possibilities, and she thought she understood something about what she always preached as well. Hope. Renee had always thought of hope as a feeling, something she scraped out of her insides when she had nothing else to hold onto, but over the past months, hope had ceased to be a feeling and had become synonymous with Allison Reynolds. 

“Letting someone who can kill us into our camp doesn't seem like trying very hard.”

“He deserves to be able to try, too. I want to let him. And if...if he wakes up a zombie, we can deal with him. There's one of him and more of us, and we can win and live another day.” 

“I want to. And even if we die, might as well die fucking happy, right? Like last night. I want to live in that feeling until something catches up with us.” Allison told Renee, and kissed her. 

It was unplanned and messy and Renee stumbled over her own tongue, but she didn't mind because Allison tasted like salt and honey and Renee’s fingers twisted in the soft gold of her hair. 

Renee broke away enough to say: “Let's live, okay?” She pressed her lips to the freckle on Allison's neck.

Allison laughed softly. “Let's try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked this u should follow me on tumblr @ pygmytyrants.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! hope you enjoyed!! comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> title is from the song "only love" by ben howard
> 
> hmu on tumblr @ pygmytyrants (someone teach me how to link that pls)


End file.
